Leaving again
by Lettersarecolours
Summary: Jemma decides to leave. She has already talked to Coulson who accepted her wish to leave. A tiny one-shot set post 2x06 because we don't get fitzsimmons this week and we are all crazy about these two and the moment when they'll get a chance to talk about their feelings.


She was throwing clothes into her suitcase, just pushing them together, punching them as if this would make them smaller. As if they were a certain person she wanted to hurt. She snuffled and aggressively wiped her tears away. She coughed, murmured words she didn't even understand. And the flood of disappointment and desperation persisted.

She hadn't even unpacked everything since she had come back. And no there was no need to unpack her stuff because she was leaving again. Coulson had accepted her request and she had named various reasons to convince him even if it was unnecessary to convince him since he had already said 'yes'. She kept talking realizing her voice was cracking. Then she stopped. His answer was still 'yes'. It didn't turn into the 'no' she had actually expected.

She kept punching her new dresses and blouses she hated as much as the new haircut she got when she thought an external change would make her forget the internal damage. The weight she was carrying around since they had been down there.

The door to her bunk clicked open when she was closing her suitcase furiously.

"Simmons." It was Fitz. She wiped away the water her eyes had produced to make the pain disappear but her hands just caused a devastated blurred face when she turned over to meet his eyes.

"Yeah?" She put on a giant smile while her right eye was filling with salty water again.

"I… erm… Coulson told me… so… erm." She clenched her fist, pressed her teeth together. She nodded.

"Why? Why again?" He stood there, his shoulders hanging down, the impression of disbelief in his eyes.

"There's nothing for me to do here, Fitz. Nothing."

"That… erm… that is just not… erm true. You could erm…help me with… something. I mean."

"I heard you tried to kill Ward."

"That. That's not true. That's. Erm. I wanted him to feel the way I feel now. Damaged."

"I know. Then you should probably do the same with me since …" She swallowed down her guilt.

He didn't understand. "What?"

"I am as guilty as Ward for your…" She tipped on her lowered head exactly two times to avoid the word brain damage while Fitz stood there in shock, frowning. Then he parted his lips and closed them. She completely misunderstood his behaviour.

"Simmons." He whispered. "You're wrong. She doesn't …" Jemma lifted her head, preparing to shout out her heart and soul when she saw his stupid left hand on his right shoulder and the nodding. The nodding, she was so afraid of. He wasn't talking to her. He was talking to _her_.

"Fitz!", she snapped and he suddenly was there again murmuring something like _sorry_.

"Fitz, can you please leave me alone. I don't see how are supposed to get anywhere from this point."

"I just… erm… yeah. You're probably right." He turned to the door because he wouldn't blurt out his stupid childish feelings for her. Again. If she was about to leave, it was probably the right thing to do.

"And Fitz. Thank you for almost dying for me. I appreciated it a lot."

"It was my pleasure." He gave her a smile full of agony and closed the door to her bunk.

Jemma sank down on her floor, sat on the ground, pulled her knees close and cried. She thought, she could cry herself to sleep. But the pain in her stomach and flat breathing intensified whenever she thought it would come to an end.

By the end of the day, she was exhausted. Drained. There was nothing inside her but pain and guilt and the feeling she would never see Leo Fitz again which was a thought she couldn't stand. Her room was empty and cold.

She was so naïve thinking she could fix him. He would forgive her. Still love her. Why would he do that? There was no reason. He risked his life for her, actually he gave his life up for her which made their situation far more awful than she had ever expected. He basically said _I am going to die for you, Jemma. Without hesitation. _And somehow he did. Bringing him back to life was letting him die again. And still she saw the love in his eyes. He wouldn't say it again. Even if he…

And then it struck her mind like a thunder, her pupils narrowed, she knit her eyebrows. What the hell was she expecting. He wouldn't say it again. But she expected him to do it. It was their communication problem all along. He wanted her to talk about his words down there. Of course.

She picked herself up, wiped away her tears once more but felt no new drops of water released by her eyes. After tugging her sweatshirt into place she took the first deep breath for hours.

And opened the door and stopped immediately because he was standing in front of her.

"Leo." She had rarely called him by his first name. Typical we-are-a-secret-organization-thing.

"I can't let you go." His eyes were watery showing how hard it was for him to say these words again and risk being rejected again. Now it was her turn.

"So, please don't let me."

"Why?"

Then, there was silence. It was the first time they got a chance to look into their eyes for a couple of seconds and it felt like down there all over again except this time Jemma gave him the oxygen for his lungs by taking a step closer and stroking his face with her palm.

His eyes widened. The breath intervals became shorter.

"Because, as I said last time, I feel the same way. There has to be another way." It took him a while until he remembered their conversation before he confessed his feelings. Before he died.

She then gently placed her wet lips on his forehead, on his cheeks and then on his mouth. He closed his eyes and opened them immediately when she took a step back to check his reaction.

He could see her fear for the first time, he could see the question _Do you still want this?_ written all over her face. Her eyes screamed Do you forgive for not letting you die? Her parted lips said _I feel guilty for not fixing you._ and her narrowed cheeks that were a result of biting them from the inside asked _Do you forgive me?_ which gave him a confidence he didn't even knew about before. Probably because all these questions were redundant.

He touched her face with his shaky hands, pulled her closer and kissed her. But this time the knot inside of her burst and there was an unknown longing in her kiss which dragged her even closer to him.


End file.
